London Broke Me! Lorraine’s Story
London broke me!! Just over two and a half years ago, I made the move and at first, all went well. I felt spiritually alive, connected and purposeful. But six months in, reality hit me. I hardly noticed it, barely noticed that slowly I was sinking deeper. I didn’t notice because I thought I was doing all the right things, but somehow, gradually, my focus shifted, and that awful thing called comparison began to eat away at me as I felt swallowed up in a world where everyone seemed more successful, more dynamic, more gifted, more sought after than I was.
Subsequently, I was struggling to connect with God and losing the fire of my passion for Him. His voice became faint and the voice of the enemy became prominent. This voice kept chipping away at my sense of self, my identity and secure position in God. I sank deeper into a sense of unworthiness and shame. I cried myself to sleep most nights and felt alone, despite all the great people in my life. It felt like I was standing screaming on top of a mountain for someone to notice and save me, but it was as though the sound of my voice got snatched away by the wind and no one could hear me. The long winter of 2017/2018 did not help and with a couple of different challenging situations going on in my life, I found myself desperate for God to break in, desperate to feel his presence tangibly. I tried everything to fix myself and cried out to God countless times and asked him to intervene. But I felt alone.
Then at the beginning of April, something changed. I can point to the moment it felt different. In desperation to hear God’s voice, I signed up for an appointment at a prophetic centre in Scotland where a team of prophetically gifted people who serve on the ministry team listen to God, hear what He wants to say to you and then release those words to you over a half hour time period. God chose to use this time as His method for getting through to me. The words He spoke directly into my spirit wrecked me. He knew me. He saw me. He knew where I was at and communicated that He desperately wanted to be near me and for me to come to Him. His words broke through and dismantled the lies the enemy had been subtly feeding me.
I was reminded of my true identity, my true position as a loved daughter of God, one who is adored and cherished by Him. He reminded me of the destiny He has for me and His desire that I would be deeply connected with Him and walk boldly forward into the wild, exciting adventure He has prepared for me. God called me to leave the dark cave I had found myself in and to step out into His purposes. It wasn’t rocket science, it was all stuff I’d been hearing church for years but when you hear it directly from God and those words have life on them which penetrate your spirit, you do not stay the same. As I heard His words, I felt a lightness enter my spirit and my passion for God got rekindled.
From that day on, something changed. That is not to say life is suddenly perfect, that I never struggle, but it has meant my days are no longer dominated by anxiety and low moods. My emotions feel manageable. A few months ago, I could not imagine having anything much to give as I felt so empty. Now I feel I have strength to give away. And it is all thanks to God. My ‘suddenly’ moment came; God broke in.
It was as simple as hearing and believing His words, receiving them deep into my spirit. There is no formula for breakthrough or for emotional healing. God knows what will work for each individual, what our needs are and how we best receive from Him. I encourage you to trust the Lover of your soul to know exactly how to hold your heart and lovingly bring you the healing you need as you continually lay everything down and to keep holding on, believing that He hears, sees and knows you and that He will come through for you.